Crazygirl Falls in Love by Alexandra Wnuk

Author:Alexandra Wnuk
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: romantic comedy, love story, womens fiction, chick lit, happily ever after, happy ending, new adult, female lawyer, humorous womens fiction, professional women

Saturday - A Georgian Toast

It’s 11:00 a.m. before I finally accept that I’ve been stood up. The morning has turned into one of those haunting, gut-wrenching life capsules where I’ll look back and think, How? How could I possibly have thought that I, Penelope Amelia Jones, would have a happy ending? God would never let me be happy. God doesn’t want me to be happy.

It’s all down to karma. I’ve done wa-hay too much shitty stuff in my life. Like the time I ran over that pigeon but didn’t stop the car (I’m scared of pigeons). The time I ate three cheeseburgers in front of a friend who was trying to get into modelling and was slowly going insane from her diet of celery sticks and diet Lukozade. The time I did a Terrible Thing to my ex fiancé.

I woke today at zero-seven-hundred-hours feeling like a ray of freekin’ sunshine, a big stupid smile plastered on my big stupid face. I had literally launched myself out of bed with excitement and anticipation. I took a shower, washed my hair, blow dried then curled it into those long waves I do when I’m trying to look sophistimacated. I styled it half up, half down then put on some statement earrings. I powdered my arms and chest with glitter bronzer, then oh so carefully put on the dress of the day.

I’d chosen my shoelace strapped, satin cocktail number. It’s one of those naked Rihanna dresses, knee length, with a slit halfway between my hips and knees. I know I know, it’s the wrong colour and a little (maybe a lot) risqué, but this is a revenge get up. A few months ago Angrypants sent me a job to do on a Saturday afternoon (due on Sunday morning) and I’d got so pissed off that I’d decided to wear a sensual, erotic dress to her wedding. That’d learn her.

The thing is, bronzer and nude-coloured dresses don’t gel well, and I had found myself with a trickle of beige stains down the front. I had to take it off and rinse it out, then do a quick hair drier job on the fabric. Now it’s looking a wee bit splotchy, and a lot crinkly. But no matter, because the Stranger would be here soon.

I spent ages applying foundation and concealer to ugmo face-bruise. The skin on my left cheekbone had grown puffy overnight and the colour of my eye had morphed from blood red to purple. The make-up helped, but the area still looked squinty and discoloured. But no matter, because the Stranger would be here soon.

9:30 a.m. came and went. I still wasn’t panicking. The Stranger would be here soon. I made myself a coffee and put on an episode of Man v Food to while away the minutes.

9:45 a.m. The driver called saying he was on his way but might be a little late. The first pricks of worry had started to settle in (that nauseous tummy churning feeling). I had told the Stranger to be here at 9:30.

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